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If yours is a stepfamily at the breaking point, one of the growing number of unsuccessful stepfamilies, read some encouraging, humorous advice on your way toward developing healthy relationships.

Dallas Morning News

Book's tale goes from house divided to successful stepfamily

By Helen Daly / Special Contributor to
The Dallas Morning News


Kali and Elizabeth Schnieders trace the lengthy arc and resolution of a stepfamily feud in You're Not My Mom: Confessions of a Formerly "Wicked" Stepmother (NavPress, $11.99).

The stepmother in question is Kali, now 54, who narrates the tale of her decade-long endeavor to win the heart of stepdaughter Elizabeth, now 24, and to create a successful blended family.

"We struggled for a long time before we turned the corner and developed the loving relationship we have now," said Kali during a telephone interview. "We decided to share our story and the blunders we made, in the hope that it will help another stepfamily get to the place where we are now."

The book recounts Kali's tale of courtship and marriage to Elizabeth's widower father, Larry, from the perspectives of both women. Kali's first-person narrative is interspersed with comments describing the same events from the very different viewpoint of a young and resentful Elizabeth.

When the newly minted family moves into its first home, for example, Kali is thrilled with the sleek modern furnishings and décor she's chosen, while Elizabeth detests her stepmother's "furniture from another planet." The girl longs for the comforts of her old home and its traditional furniture, chosen by her birth mother, who died when Elizabeth was 3.

"What sets our book apart is that we tell both sides of the story," said Elizabeth, speaking by phone. "And when we were writing it, we found out a lot of things about each other that we hadn't known."

About half of their tale is set in Plano, where the Schnieders moved in 1993 from Lawrence, Kan. Elizabeth attended Plano Senior High School and went on to the University of Kansas, where she earned degrees in journalism and psychology in 2003.

The pair began the collaborative project several years ago, with Kali and Elizabeth each penning a personal list of the most significant moments in their relationship, to develop a timeline that would structure their tale.

"When we shared our lists, they were identical," said Kali. "We saw the same events as turning points and felt glimmers of hope at the same time."

Each chapter describes a milestone in their relationship, then concludes with observations about stepfamily dynamics, comments from Kali about "what I would have done differently," and questions for the reader to consider.

"It's not a how-to book where you follow these quick steps to a happy blended family," said Kali. "What we've attempted to do is share our story, which we believe will connect with other people, so that when see their lives in it, they'll say, 'If these two can make it, we can make it, too.'"


E-mail Kali

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