Unsuccessful stepfamilies, bible blended families, women's issues, stepparenting

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If yours is a stepfamily at the breaking point, one of the growing number of unsuccessful stepfamilies, read some encouraging, humorous advice on your way toward developing healthy relationships.

The Book Nook

When the Divorce is With You

By Jeff Rubin

I am the child of divorced parents.

Three months after my Bar Mitzvah, when I supposedly became a "man" in the eyes of my Jewish elders, my father and mother split up. I was 13.

My mom flew to El Paso, Texas, crossed the border into Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, and got a divorce. When she returned it was just the two of us, in a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I got the bedroom.

That began a difficult adjustment time for me; some of my friends would say that I'm still working on it. But I was one of the lucky children at a time, in the mid 1960s, when divorce was uncommon and parents were still staying together "for the sake of the children."

When I was 14½, my mother met Benson Meth, the man who was to become my stepfather. I'll never forget our first meeting. He came to pick up my mother in our fourth-floor apartment in the Flatbush section of Brooklyn. He had a great smile, the kind that let me know he was really glad to see me, even though we had just met.

Smart aleck that I was (and most of my friends will say that I still am), when my mom and Ben were getting ready to leave on their date I said to him, "Now get her home by 11." And Ben turned to me, still with that sweet smile on his face, and said, "What time I get your mother home is none of your business."

I loved Ben immediately. For a child starved for a male role model since my dad left the premises and rarely saw me, Ben would become my best friend, mentor and father.

As I said, I was lucky. My friend and national Speakers Association colleague, Kali Schnieders, had a rougher time when she married into a family that included stepdaughter Elizabeth, still stinging from the death of her birth mother five years earlier. Their emotional journey, step by step, gave birth to a relationship that enabled them to defeat their hatred and become best friends.

Kali and Elizabeth's inspirational story is the subject of their new book, You're NOT My MOM, Confessions of a Formerly "Wicked" Stepmother, available on-line and at bookstores. It's a good read for anyone - not just stepchildren and stepparents - interested in improving their relationships.


E-mail Kali

For speaking inquiries, please call
(214) 924-1291.

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